Spitting Mad

She remained glued to the bench, daring the Yeller to approach – almost hungry for an altercation. “Bring it on, bitch,” she thought…

Far Too Many Fux

Awhile back (we’re talking last summer, y’all), I had the distinct pleasure of reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I say it was a pleasure because I have a life-long habit of giving LOTS of f*cks about LOTS of things… making it extremely refreshing to imagine another way of being- one with…

Honestly, Y’all

A few weeks ago, I wrote what most deemed to be a pretty dark post. It wasn’t meant to be dark. It wasn’t a cry for help. At least, I don’t think it was… But several of my blog readers reached out to make sure I wasn’t crying into my beer with a shotgun in…

How to Define Your Day

Today’s lesson: Don’t define your day by your work performance or the amount of things you accomplished – define it by who you chose to be and how you treated others. What a craaaazy couple of daaaays. It’s wild how we can feel so in control and on top of things one day and completely,…

You Update Your Facebook Status (I’ll Just Be Over Here Drinking)

This past Monday, if you were one of those ambitious characters who enjoy making the rest of us feel like lazy shits by bike riding through our hilly-AF neighborhood, you’d have been justly curb-stomped by the “refreshingly” cold wind in your face. You also would have been treated to the sight of a woman lounging…

Vagina Wars

[sg_popup id=”1403″ event=”inherit”][/sg_popup]I’ve been at war with my vagina for about three decades. It’s unfortunate, feeling this way about such a powerful, awe-inspiring organ – one around which I shape most of my identity. The truth is, I’m not that stoked to be a woman. A lot of the time, it’s a huge drag. At…

What I Learned From Quitting Facebook

A word about self-confidence from the girl who (almost) shit her pants in 10th grade.  [sg_popup id=”1403″ event=”inherit”][/sg_popup]At 16, I came thiiiiiis close to being the first girl at Trinity Christian to crap her pants in the hallway. It had to have happened before… and it probably happened after I graduated… but, to my utter…

Poop Culture

Stop holding in farts, dear. You look like a blowfish. [sg_popup id=”1403″ event=”inherit”][/sg_popup]I’ve always been frustrated with the state of poop culture in America. In my early years, I always pottied with the door open. As an only child – a “single kid,” as my husband likes to say – of parents who insisted on…

Prude Fashion

Giving boys ideas is satan’s work. [sg_popup id=”1403″ event=”inherit”][/sg_popup]Dressing myself has never been my strong suit (pun intended). Without a sibling to mock and cajole me into leveling up my fashion game, I was pretty lost. Which is, of course, why I had two children – so that they never have to suffer my same…