What I Learned From Quitting Facebook

A word about self-confidence from the girl who (almost) shit her pants in 10th grade.  At 16, I came thiiiiiis close to being the first girl at Trinity Christian to crap her pants in the hallway. It had to have happened before… and it probably happened after I graduated… but, to my utter shock and…

A Human, Being

Anybody remember this post? Yeah, me neither. Apparently, I wrote it in mid-October of last year and then promptly forgot about it. Which is weird, right? I had what I felt was a real spiritual encounter, a full-on revelation from God. I’d assumed that such a mind-blowing declaration of sobering truth would be accompanied by thunder…

Star Treatment

In a sea of petty bitches + trick-ass ho’s, I was a real show pony.  I got a taste for fame at a young age. At a mere 9 years old, I was hand-picked to play the lead role in my local acting camp’s rendition of “Peter Pan.” I was kind of a big deal….

Love Before the Internet

Reality refused to meet my sky-high expectations. So, I lowered them. I was born a hopeless romantic. Due to my life circumstance and trajectory, I was — for good or ill — enabled to stay that way much longer than most kids are these days, what with “sexting” and porn and the Internet. The Internet…

How to Un-Friend IRL

Ghosting is so 2018. Remember middle school? You’d start the year sitting with Jemima (or Betsy or whomever) at lunch, proudly declaring your friendship to the world with those glittery “best friend” heart necklaces from Claire’s. You’d plan sleepovers so you could choreograph fake music videos to Spice Girls and No Doubt while pretending to…

Poop Culture

Stop holding in farts, dear. You look like a blowfish. I’ve always been frustrated with the state of poop culture in America. In my early years, I always pottied with the door open. As an only child – a “single kid,” as my husband likes to say – of parents who insisted on living in…