Friend Finder

I gotta hand it to my mom. Even though I mailed her Mother’s Day gift late, single her out fairly frequently on this blog and moved 1,688 miles from my hometown, she still sends me interesting articles. This week’s was no disappointment. With a crazy-ass name like “A 75-Year Study Said This Is the #1…

What Student Loan Debt Really Looks Like

When I was 7 years old, I broke my teacher’s favorite coffee mug. Miss DeLong. She never said it was her mug, but her reaction to my faux-pas (the unfortunate and entirely accidental result of playing the hand slap game too close to her desk) suggested as much. I don’t recall the exact mug itself….

What I Learned From Quitting Facebook

A word about self-confidence from the girl who (almost) shit her pants in 10th grade.  At 16, I came thiiiiiis close to being the first girl at Trinity Christian to crap her pants in the hallway. It had to have happened before… and it probably happened after I graduated… but, to my utter shock and…

Star Treatment

In a sea of petty bitches + trick-ass ho’s, I was a real show pony.  I got a taste for fame at a young age. At a mere 9 years old, I was hand-picked to play the lead role in my local acting camp’s rendition of “Peter Pan.” I was kind of a big deal….

How to Un-Friend IRL

Ghosting is so 2018. Remember middle school? You’d start the year sitting with Jemima (or Betsy or whomever) at lunch, proudly declaring your friendship to the world with those glittery “best friend” heart necklaces from Claire’s. You’d plan sleepovers so you could choreograph fake music videos to Spice Girls and No Doubt while pretending to…

Poop Culture

Stop holding in farts, dear. You look like a blowfish. I’ve always been frustrated with the state of poop culture in America. In my early years, I always pottied with the door open. As an only child – a “single kid,” as my husband likes to say – of parents who insisted on living in…