Vagina Wars

I’ve been at war with my vagina for about three decades. It’s unfortunate, feeling this way about such a powerful, awe-inspiring organ – one around which I shape most of my identity. The truth is, I’m not that stoked to be a woman. A lot of the time, it’s a huge drag. At 33, I…

To the Next Generation: Don’t Make Work Your Calling

I grew up with two hard-working parents who weren’t totally happy with their jobs. In fact, a lot of the time, they were walking tumbleweeds of worry and frustration. This led me to the (quite logical) conclusion that MY job should ALWAYS be enjoyable – and that the only way to accomplish this was to…

What I Learned From Quitting Facebook

A word about self-confidence from the girl who (almost) shit her pants in 10th grade.  At 16, I came thiiiiiis close to being the first girl at Trinity Christian to crap her pants in the hallway. It had to have happened before… and it probably happened after I graduated… but, to my utter shock and…

How to Un-Friend IRL

Ghosting is so 2018. Remember middle school? You’d start the year sitting with Jemima (or Betsy or whomever) at lunch, proudly declaring your friendship to the world with those glittery “best friend” heart necklaces from Claire’s. You’d plan sleepovers so you could choreograph fake music videos to Spice Girls and No Doubt while pretending to…

Poop Culture

Stop holding in farts, dear. You look like a blowfish. I’ve always been frustrated with the state of poop culture in America. In my early years, I always pottied with the door open. As an only child – a “single kid,” as my husband likes to say – of parents who insisted on living in…

Prude Fashion

Giving boys ideas is satan’s work. Dressing myself has never been my strong suit (pun intended). Without a sibling to mock and cajole me into leveling up my fashion game, I was pretty lost. Which is, of course, why I had two children – so that they never have to suffer my same fate. At…